I went to the fair today because it was boring as crap and there was nothing else to do. You know, one thing I really hate about Miami-besides the fry-an-egg-on-your-sidewalk heat- are the sudden bouts of rain. Seriously, it'll be all perfectly sunny and bright enough to blind a motherfucker one minute and then BOOM! Watch out because a lightning bolt is aiming for your ass.  I hate Miami, guys.

Anyway it was pretty hot at the fair but the all of a sudden it started POURING. Like, I think my socks were squishing as I walked. So my mom and I decided to hide out in the petting zoo until the raincloud passed. NOT A GOOD IDEA. Besides the fact that everyone in the whole fair seemed to have this same brilliant idea and so every time you shifted an inch you got VERY intimately acquainted with the person closest to you--SERIOUSLY, I was this close to telling old ladies to keep their boobs out of my personal bubble. I do not like getting bitchslapped by a pair of hooters. --frankly, the place was pretty rank.

And there were so many fucking chickens. Guys, I HATE chickens. Actually, I hate pretty much anything that has feathers. And by hate, I mean that I'll scream like a five year old girl and run if I see feathers headed my way. So this place was basically hell for me. Everyone kept going, "OOOOH look at the purty feathers on that peacock." And I basically clutched at my mother like a toddler and fought the impulse to go, "KEEP THAT MOTHERFUCKING TURKEY AWAY!" It was in a cage approximately 25 feet away from me. Sometimes I cannot even properly express my daily fail capacity.

There were also a lot of bunnies which were obviously adorable. There were cows too, but honestly, the biggest reaction that got out of me was,"Huh. I could go for some steak right about now."
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